Speak the words. Be bold.

Walter Mosley said, “Every word that we speak is a chance to change what is bad into something good”.

I was in the park playing a friendly game when I overheard a young man loudly bragging to his group of friends . He used a derogatory word so often in his speech that I thought it might even be a new word in his vocabulary that he was testing out on his friends.  I said out loud to my companion, “My ears are hurting,” but what I meant was that my ­­heart was hurting. The blatant and repeated use of this word was painful to witness.  I had the urge to speak to him. My instincts as a teacher to correct him were phenomenally strong and even stronger was my will as a member of humanity to stop that word and not let it continue to grow and breed among his friends.  I spent a moment in deliberation.  Should I go over there and tell him to stop? Is it my place? Should I explain how that word is offensive? Should I say it to all of them? Should I pull him aside?  What are the right words to say? I took too long in my decision and then their conversation shifted. I felt I had missed the chance to change what was bad into something good. I don’t know his name. I can’t write him a letter or call him up later.  I failed. 

I know I am not the only person to have missed a chance to speak and change something bad into something good. It is incredible how easy it is to mess things up.  We can make a mess with simple miscommunication, an argument, misused sarcasm, a “zinger” of an insult, rumors spread through gossip…our capacity to hurt others is astounding, but our capacity to heal that hurt is equally potent.  When you care about someone there is no expiration date on righting the wrongs of our past so long as you still have the opportunity to reach out to that person.  There are very few problems that can’t be solved with taking the time and gathering the courage to speak any variation of these phrases:

I love you.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I practice these phrases often. They bring me so much peace and allow my heart to be free from stress and worry when I act bravely in the speaking of them.   I recently encouraged a worried friend to send a quick message to someone they may have offended and they were soon rewarded with the relief of using these words too.  They work.  I know they are simple. I know it seems cliché, but I dare you to try them and experience the results that follow. 

I don’t want to fail again in a situation like my time at the park. It is not enough to KNOW the right words to say, it is also to ACT promptly in the speaking of them.  I’ll continue to practice these four phrases and be hopeful that if ever it comes up again, I’ll be ready.  “Excuse me, I am sorry I overheard your conversation. Your use of that word is extremely offensive. Please can you stop using it? Thank you.” 

Speak the words. Be bold.  Take a chance and change what is bad into something good. 

“Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous.  There’s really nothing to lose.  There’s no wrong you can’t make right again.” – Jewel Kilcher, B. 1974